First Love
by il0verice
Summary: *revised* sad little songfic to Utada Hikarus' First Love..review!


5/08: I revised this with htmL formatting…

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Hey guys, I'm taking a break from my extremely important essay that is worth probably more than 20% of my grade in English.  Hah, priorities..i got them out of wack.  oOo..i leanrd how to count to ten in Japanese today, I'm proud of myself, and I succeeded in annoying my whole PE class in the process. Buahaha, kae, I'm shootn for a one shot so that I can get this over with and go on and finish my dayum essay.  Arg. 

Disclaimer: I don't have time for this, I should be doen my essaaaay..thank god its almost the weekend!

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When Syaoran first left me ten years ago, in fourth grade, I didn't know what to make of it.  When he left again, and told me he loved me, I was still stumped.  I missed him those 4 years he was gone, God I missed him.  I kept hoping that one day he would come back to me, and things would be okay again, like when we were younger.

_Once in a while  
You are in my mind___

He came back to me when I was just entering high school.  I remember bumping into him on the first day of, trying to navigate myself around the complex campus, not knowing exactly where I was going.  At first I didn't recognize him, I only saw deep amber guys attached to an extremely handsome guy, helping my pick up my scattered books.  That was the beginning of our high school years, and we grew closer, day by day. Best friends together, twenty four seven.  Wherever I went you went, where you went, I went.

_I think about the days that we've had  
And I dream that this would all come back to me_

The middle of sophomore year, I began to feel a change tugging at my heart.  You were off with your teammates all the time, and I was off with my girl friends.  We still were together, but it wasn't the same as when we were younger, or what it was like freshman year.

You and I drifted, but not that far apart from each other.  You dated other girls, and I dated other guys.  But it would always end up with the both of us sitting at Penguin Park on a Saturday night, after another one of our disastrous dates with other people. I never knew if it bothered you to see me with other guys, but I knew I felt some sort of emotion every time I would pass you in the halls with yet another different girl under your arm.  At first, I didn't know what I was feeling when I saw you with girls, I didn't understand the emotion I felt in my heart.

_If only you knew every moment in time  
Nothing goes on in my heart  
Just like your memories  
How I long here to be with you once more__  
  
_

One of my friends, Tomoyo, I don't know if you know her (she's the one with the camera permanently attached to her hand), but she is convinced that we were meant for each other.  'Crazy girl,' is what I thought the first time she voiced her opinion on is. "We're just really good friends," I'd have to explain, over and over to her.

_You are always gonna be the one  
And you should know___

But then, in junior, our third year of high school together, we went back to being insuperable friends.  You were there for me when my not-so-great boyfriend cheated on me for the class slut.  You were my shoulder to cry on when my dad passed away in the middle of the spring.  You gave me a place to stay when Touya had to leave me for college.  You opened your once ice cold heart to me, and you were my anchor to the light of life.

_How I wish I could have never let you go  
Come into my life again  
Oh don't say no___

Before I knew it, I was falling, and falling hard.  I never meant to, but your warm heart never ceased to amaze me.  You just being your wonderful self was hard for me to overlook.  Without you, I don't know where I'd be now.  On our last year of high school, you proved to me that you are an angel sent from heaven, a Godsend.  I felt like I never deserved your friendship, after all you've done for me my whole life.  But like all good things, it came to an end.

_You are  always gonna be the one  
In my life  
So true I believe I can never find  
Somebody like you  
My first love__  
  
_

Did you realize how much you meant to me? How you've impacted my life?  I fell in love with you.  I suppose I was always in love with you, but I never realized it until it was too late.  You were called back to China after realization struck me, too late.

_Once in a while you are in my dreams  
I can feel the warmth of your embrace  
And I pray that one day you'll come back to me_

Now I sit here, inside my lonely apartment in Tokyo, thinking of how thing could have been, if you ever came back to me, if I only told you how I really felt.  If I could do things over again, I would change so much.  So much of me cries every time I think of you and what we've been through together.  

_If only you knew every moment in time  
Nothing goes on in my heart_

I'm twenty now and very alone.  I wonder if you think about me as much as I think of you.  Tomoyo doesn't understand why I'm so attached, and I'm not even quite sure why I can't let go.

_Just like your memories  
How I long here to be with you once more_

You promised me, before you left the last time, that you would come back to me if I waited.  I'm still waiting.  It's been over two years now.  Do you still remember me?

  
_You will always be inside my heart  
And you should know_

Although I haven't gotten any word from you, I still have faith you'll come back to me.  "A Li never breaks his promise," you said to me once, flashing your cocky grin at me.  Well, I sure hope that a Li still never breaks his promise.

_  
How I wish I could have never let you go  
Come into my life again  
Please don't say no_

I should have told you that I loved you.  I don't believe you'll ever know now.

_Now and forever  
You were still the one  
In my heart_

You were my first and only true love.  How can I let you know?

_  
So true I believe I can never find  
Somebody like you  
My first love_  
  


There's no one else out there for me but you.  I believe that like I believe you'll come back to me.  Please, just come back to me.  I've spent countless nights crying endless tears on my pillow.  I'm only chasing a dream, I know.

_You will always gonna be the one  
And you should know_

I heard the other day, on the news, something that I never thought would affect me so bad.  Being head of the most powerful clan in China must be pretty tough, ne?  

_How I wish I could have never let you go  
Come into my life again  
Oh don't say no_  
  


I saw you, you know, on the a TV screen on my way to class.  You were so handsome, as I stared at your deep amber eyes that I knew so well, and your tousled chocolate hair that you always use to run your hands through when you got frustrated.  I was so hypnotized by your image, I didn't even notice the young woman standing at your side, until I saw I pair of lips gently brush against your cheek and her arms wrap around your waist.

_You are always gonna be the one  
So true I believe I can never find  
Now and forever_

My heart broke that moment, and I knew right then that I would never be the same.  But I forgive you, for not coming home to me. I understand now.  I guess we weren't meant to be, after all. Or maybe we are meant to be, just not at this very moment. I guess only time will tell.

Wow..that was really depressing, duncha think?  Haha, well, I've spent enough time on this, adios my friends! Reviews would be nice.  If I get enough reviews I'll make a sequel..and it'll be happy!

Song: First Love

Artist: Utada Hikaru

I'm sooooo tired..i'm gunna fall asleep on the kewboard! *snores* zZzZz..gRr on essays.  It's 12:57am right now..i need sleeeeeeeeeeep, but I need to finish that darn essay! *grumbles*  R E V I E W ! ! ! ! 


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